Starting our GFCF Journey

I have been putting a lot of energy into better ways to help Jacob lately. It seems as though things have been lagging with his progress, and quite frankly I've been exhausted and frustrated with him at home. His parent teacher conference was no help, I felt like I was being told the whole time that my child is hopeless. Now I know that's not true. With the little experience I have, I know there are many children who are a lot worse than he is. Most of the time I think he is an extra troublesome case because he is so close to being a typcial child, but so far away at the same time. While he remains undiagnosed at this time, it is clear that he fits onto the autism spectrum at least in some regards. We have been working with doctors to figure out what is going on with him and we hope to have some answers soon. I can't stress enough how little we care about labeling him. Our only concern is helping him and how to do that better.

Austin and I went to a support group meeting last night for parents of children with high functioning autism and related disorders. It was our second time attending and I think it's safe to say we will be returning. Not only do we get to mingle with other parents who are struggling with the same problems we are, but Jacob gets the chance to socialize as well. The really great thing about this group is the guest speakers they invite. Both meetings we went to had great speakers who were very informative on intervention techniques. Last night, we heard from a physician that specializes in naturopathic medicine to help children who are on the autism spectrum. What we learned was invaluable. I mean, I've heard before about the gluten-free casein-free diet helping children with autism, but no one has explained to me why or how that happens. That's exactly what this guy did. The whole meeting felt like a bio chem lecture, but it was such good information that made everything make sense.

I'm not going into the science of everything because that would be exhausting and I would surely not explain it well, but I will say that Austin and I had a long talk after the meeting and decided that we should give it a go. That resolution only magnified as I got to doing my own research and found so many success stories from parents of children just like Jacob. Some of them even achieved normal functioning after a few months of being on the diet.

Today I started off by asking Jacob if he would like to be able to talk to us better and make friends at school. He got teary eyed as he answered me with an affirmative "Yes". (This just about broke my heart, we don't have talks that go so well very often). I explained to him that we were going to start eating some different foods that might help with that and asked if he was willing to try. I know this isn't going to be easy. Jacob is a very food-driven child and he is already as picky as humanly possible. I am worried about the struggles we will face in the coming weeks with such a drastic change, but if there's a chance it will help him, I'd do just about anything.

So here starts our journey. I have been researching (and getting overwhelmed) all day long and tonight I'm going to brave a few health food stores to see what I can find. Excuse me as I fill up your Pinterest homepage with a ton of GFCF recipes.

If you would like more information on the GFCF diet, I strongly encourage you to visit this website- http://www.tacanow.org/tag/gfcf/

I also want to give thanks-in-advance to all our family and friends for supporting us in this endeavor!

Pretend Play!

Over the past couple months, we have been trying to get Jacob used to the idea of pretend play. He has always preferred "concrete" forms of play that are specific activities with little to no imagination needed. This has been one of my biggest concerns with him since it is a behavior that is typical in children with Autism.

What started out as complete meltdowns in trying to get him to do something other than puzzles, books and blocks gradually turned into a distant interest. He would sit and watch as Austin and I, or whoever else was there, would play with dolls, pretend food, or cars. This was exciting on its own, because before he wanted nothing to do with it! Even if he was looking at us like we were crazy, at least he was watching.

Over the last several years, my cousin Katey has been a wonderful friend and teacher for Jacob. She is passionate about helping him and has spent the last two summers home from college as his habilitation provider. She worked with him a lot on pretend play, and I truly feel that she has helped him progress tremendously. In the last month, Jacob has started to ask to play with his "house" and has even done some pretend food play on his own. Everything he acts out has been something that we have shown him to do, but it's a start!

I'm writing about this today because I feel like we have made a leap in progress again. He asked to play with his house again and I brought it down for us while Madison napped. This is a Playmobil Summer House, which is great for him because there are so many pieces and he can put it all together, but not so great for Madi, who likes to put everything in her mouth. So we only get it out while she's napping or out with daddy.

Jacob got the people out and labeled them all for me, "Boy, dirl (girl), boy, dirl." Then he set up the table and beds as he usually does. He likes to set up the table but doesn't bother with any of the house's many other pieces unless we ask him to. I asked him if he thought the boy should take a bath and he told me, "Lay down!" This is a new phrase for him and he's been saying it a lot, so that's good. Then, he put all the dolls in their beds and said, "Boy, dirl, nigh nigh!"

Jacob playing with his "House"

Later in the day, long after we had put away the house, Jacob kept saying, "Bed, bed, bed!" to me. I wasn't paying him much attention because I was brushing my hair, but he kept saying it. I finally looked around and was about ready to ask him if he wanted to take a nap. What I saw when I turned around was that he had taken a pillow and put it in a laundry basket, which he was laying down in. I was so happy to see that! I asked him if he was pretending to be in a bed and with a big goofy smile on his face he said, "Yeah!"

I know that seems insignificant compared to other children his age that are talking up a storm and coming up with wacky stories all over the place, but for us this is a huge deal! He is self-initiating in pretend play, which hasn't happened hardly at all. I was proud of him for just repeating what we did when we played with the house, but I have never ever pretended to make a bed with a laundry basket. That was completely his idea. It's a big step developmentally for him, and I am a proud momma!

Why Can't I Be a Super Hero?

I am having one of "those" days. The type where I constantly worry about my children and find 12390948320.8 ways to blame myself for everything that has already or might possibly go wrong. I spent a good portion of today making myself feel inadequate as a parent.

Most of these feelings, as usual, have stemmed from something concerning Jacob's developmental delays. Sure, I put on a good face and talk the talk with all his doctors, therapist, and anyone else who might ask- but the truth is I am not okay. I tear myself to pieces on a daily basis pouring over what I might have done wrong and obsess over what I might be doing wrong in this very moment.

Looking at it objectively, I know that Jacob has come a very long way and has made some huge progress. I am more proud of him than words can say. He is my little boy and I love him with all of my heart and more. I am doing every thing I can think of to help him catch up. Unfortunately, that doesn't stop the feeling that I should be doing more. That doesn't stop the guilt I feel daily. I have had many people tell me that these things just happen and I didn't do anything wrong, but on days like this it is hard for me to believe them. Did I eat or drink something I shouldn't have while pregnant? Did I talk to him enough as a baby? Why didn't I notice anything sooner? I try so hard to be the best mommy in the world, but I feel like I am coming up short.

My heart hurts when someone points out how far behind he is. My heart hurts when I see kids much younger than him doing and saying way more than he has. My heart hurts because I don't know why he has to have a more difficult time. My heart hurts because I can't fix it for him.

I know that there are other parents out there that feel this way too. In fact, I'm sure that every parent has had  similar thoughts at one time or another. I also know that many children have it far worse than Jacob, and I do count my blessings for that. Normally, I can battle these feelings and work on being more optimistic. I strive to be a positive person every day, but I can't deny that these thoughts occur in my head. I know that I have to be the one to change these thoughts. No one else can do it for me. I'm still working on that. Hopefully one day I will have the answer for myself, but that day is not today.

My heart goes out to parents everywhere that are doing the best they can. I hope you know you are doing an awesome job. If you aren't so sure, please take the time to remind yourself that it is true. As much as we want to be super heroes for our children, we can only be what we are. Lucky for us, what we are is an amazing gift and we have a lot of power to make a better world for our children. Now I just need to remember to tell myself that once in a while.

Summer Update

It's been a few weeks since I've posted and a lot has happened! The family trip to Disneyland went as well as expected. Jacob was crazy with excitement when he met Mickey Mouse, and Madison especially loved the dancing and singing that happens in the "It's a Small World" ride.

The trip was excellent, and my children behaved well, although they were exhausted. I will say that Madi had enough of the stroller before our two days in the park were up, but she was a trooper. It is definitely a different experience, enjoying the park as a parent. I have always been a fan of Disneyland, and have been to the park with my parents as a child, and also as an adult. Last time I went, it was just Austin and me, which was great because we were able to do whatever we wanted without worrying about the agendas of various group members. I have always been a thrill seeker and lover of the "big kid rides," but this trip I found myself getting excited about the little stuff and the shows. I was more interested in seeing how my children reacted to their surroundings than having fun myself. Needless to say, they did not disappoint and I had a blast!

I downloaded the Disneyland app on our iPad before the trip to help give Jacob an idea of what we were going to do. It was a great tool for helping to prepare him and I'm so glad I did. (The app was free, for anyone who is interested). He still looks at it almost every day, and he calls out certain places he remembered and liked. This has been a great activity for recalling memories with Jacob.

Another great thing from our trip: Since we have been home, Winnie the Pooh has been loved in our house as much as The Rodent (Mickey Mouse), and for that I am thankful.
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I have some other exciting news! In the past month, Austin and I have finally set a date for our wedding (you know, the one that was supposed to happen and then Madison happened instead. ;)

We will be married this October in a Masquerade Ball wedding inspired by the Phantom of the Opera. I am so excited- this theme encompasses the geekyness in my soul. It's going to be a small backyard wedding, and I'm attempting to DIY for almost everything, so it has kept me very busy! (Which in turn has kept me from posting).

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The kids have been busy too. Madison is seven months old now, and she is crawling all over and cruising the furniture. She is an incredibly busy lady who is difficult to direct. She's also started getting some solids,  and she is OBSESSED! Every time she sees someone eating something she has to crawl over and open her mouth as wide as she can. It's cute and very funny.

I am slightly concerned because she doesn't seem too interested in making a lot of closed mouth/syllable type sounds. She babbles all the time, but it's mostly open mouth sounds. I'm trying not to be too paranoid, but given Jacob's delays, it's proving difficult.

Jacob is doing well. He's started spontaneously using some sentences to make requests, and his vocabulary is growing every day. Unfortunately, he's also adopted a nasty temper, which has been very trying on my patience. Any time he hears something he doesn't want to, such as the word "no" or a redirection when he is misbehaving, he puts his hands over his ears and screeches a most horrible banshee screech. I'm still trying to figure out what to do with that one. It's really hard to reason with a child who can't hear what you are saying because he screams every time you try to talk to him. I'll let you know if I crack this code in the near future. Any suggestions are always appreciated.

I finally got Jacob in to see the developmental pediatrician that we have been waiting to see for some time now, so we are on the road to finally determining a diagnosis for him. Hearing problems were ruled out by the Audiologist, and he no longer has tubes in his ears. I'm pleased to hear that he can hear fine, but I can't help but mourning the news a bit because it means his delays are developmental and there is another cause somewhere. Some people might judge me for that, but it's just how I feel. It's hard for me to cope with the knowledge that my baby might struggle socially and with communication for his whole life.

Anyway, we are going to do some bloodwork to rule out genetic disorders like Fragile X, and if nothing is found he will go through extensive testing for Autism.

No matter what, I love the little guy and putting a label on him is not going to change that. The only reason I want answers is so we can find out if there is anything else I can be doing to help him.

Thanks for reading this update! Hopefully it won't be too long before I post again.

Same Sex Marriage- Effect on Child Development

I am 100% for equal rights, and one day hope that everyone in this country will have the right to marry whomever he or she wishes to. I regard marriage as a very serious commitment and I believe that it should not be taken lightly. I also believe it is absolutely ludicrous that some people believe that same-sex couples should not have that right, for various reasons. This has been a hot topic in the social media world for some time now as different events in politics fuel reactions from both sides, and I could go on for days about my feelings on the subject.

One of the arguments I see and hear often is the believe that same-sex couples are depriving children of a "normal" family life, which could potentially have a negative effect on the child's development. I can see how this is a natural point of curiosity, as our society is used to a different family model. A "normal" family in America, that is to say one that is socially acceptable, consists of a father, mother, and their biological children. However, I must say that I find it rather close minded to assume that children cannot thrive in any other model. Anyone who has done any basic studies in different cultures throughout the world and throughout different time periods will know that this is not the only family model that works. 

Statistics from a multitude of sources claim that children from same-sex couples, whether brought in from a previous marriage, adopted, or conceived otherwise, thrive just as well as other children. Considering this information takes us back to the big picture. Statistics or no, we must remember that people are not only defined by their ability to bear children or their sexual orientation, just as they are not defined by the color of socks they choose to wear. There are many different factors environmentally, biologically, and personality-wise that contribute to what type of parent any given person will be. 

Very few people in this world will claim that all single mothers are worthless and should not have their children, and many would agree that this is a very discriminatory and stereotypical statement. Furthermore, families that stem from divorce and remarriage often end up with three or more parent figures and often do just fine. Why is this any different for same-sex couples? If children can thrive without a father or mother in other family models, why can't that be true for children who have two mothers or two fathers? 

It is my opinion that this isn't a true issue at all, but rather another outlet that close-minded interest groups use to raise their argument for oppressing the rights of people in same-sex relationships. Children are raised in many, many different family models in this country, and that certainly does have an impact on them, but that does not mean that two men or two women cannot do a fabulous job of raising an upstanding, contributing member in society. There are many variables that can contribute to the type or parent someone will or will not be, but that is present even in traditional marriages.Sexual orientation is an irrelevant factor in determining whether a person is or is not a fit parent.

This video of Zack Wahls protesting such oppression in Iowa state is an excellent example, and I find this young man to be an inspiration. I hope that more people will stand up and share their story the way he so courageously did. I know from experience that speaking to legislators can be a daunting task, but he did it so well, and I hope he and others will continue to do so.