Special According to Who?

There have been many aspects of my life that I think have helped me to be a more open-minded person. The influence of having an older brother with Down syndrome is probably the most significant of these. From a very young age, I was taught that diversity is to be embraced and loved, not feared. I was taught that differences should be celebrated instead of compared. Above all else, I learned that people often reject what they do not understand. Many of these were very hurtful lessons to learn and they usually stemmed from my lack of understanding regarding why someone looked at/treated/spoke about my brother in a certain way.

I still remember the day I noticed Danny was different than everyone else and I remember asking my mom about it. In that moment, I think she said the best thing she could have possibly said. She explained to me that he had some challenges that other people don't have to deal with, but that he had some gifts that were special as well. She told me this was the same for everyone, although it's not usually something you can tell just by looking. I truly believe that was a life changing moment for me.

My whole childhood and into our adult lives, people (including my own parents) have commented on the way I treat my brother. The most common report I received when were were little was that we behaved like regular siblings. More often than not, this was said with surprise. Yes, it came as a surprise to people that I fought with him, played with him, and otherwise ignored his disability all together. Some people even scolded me for it, while others commended me. To this day, this still baffles me.

As a child, I was definitely less sensitive to the reality that Danny needs more patience than I was willing to give- but that's a common way for children to treat each other. As an adult, I still treat him the way I do everyone else, although I like to think I'm a little more tuned in to the patience he needs with understanding certain concepts, as well as accommodations for medical needs. People are still surprised by this, which continues to surprise me even more.

 More than once, my treatment of my brother has been interpreted as "mean" because I failed to give him special attention in a situation where he did not need it. For example, at one of my son's birthday parties, I was asked why I didn't get a gift bag for him. My answer was simple, the gift bags were for the children, and he is an adult. If I singled out any other adult to give a gift bag, would that not be viewed as condescending to that person? I absolutely think so.

This has made me very passionate about the idea of equality. I think a lot of people misinterpret equality as special treatment for people who are disadvantaged. That is not equality at all! Equality, by definition, means the state or quality of being equal; correspondence inquantity, degree, value, rank, or ability (Dictionary.com). Obviously, we need to take into consideration that ALL humans, by nature, are different. Therefore, we are all only treated equally to some extent. There are varying levels, especially when an individual's abilities are taken into account. 

I think people who try too hard to be empathetic, or accepting, end up doing the exact opposite by providing too much special attention. In my eyes, this is condescending. Ostracizing or glorifying someone, you are providing the same result by making him or her stand out in one direction or the other.


Do I love my brother and want the best for him? Absolutely. Do I think my brother is special? You bet I do! But I find special qualities in all of my loved ones, and I hardly think his Down syndrome defines him. He is so much more than a person with a disability, and people who are too caught up in trying so hard to "be fair" or "accept" him are not seeing him for himself. 


I'm not going to like it if you tell me Danny is "cute" when he is being stubborn. He's 26 years old. If you are going to use the word "cute" to describe him, you better be telling me that you think he is attractive; not talking about him as if he were a toddler. 


Danny is stubborn as a mule, and frustratingly so at times. He is also an artist, a music and movie buff, a ladies man, and he has a wonderful sense of humor. He is loyal to his family, and can be sensitive as well. Bottom line, he is a person. I will continue to treat him as fairly as possible, and I hope others can do the same- for everyone. I will be the first to admit that I am not perfect, but I have good intentions. Humans are judgmental creatures. Everyone deals with it personally, and maybe we can do each other a favor by trying to find that balance between doing too little and too much to help each other out. 

Over-Sharing on Facebook

I see a lot of negativity in the social media world aimed at people who share pictures and stories about their children on a regular basis. Although it has not ever been directed at me personally to my knowledge, it sometimes makes me feel self-conscious about the updates I share. Then I take a step back and remind myself that I have no reason to feel that way.

I have an eclectic group of friends on Facebook that have many different interests, some of which I couldn't care less about (Such as sports or who they are currently fighting via text message). I do, however, care about my friends and want to hear about their lives. That's why I have subscribed to their updates. I think it is only right to assume that people feel the same about me if they have chosen to be "friends" with me.

This article, which I read this evening, made a very good point. Everyone tends to over-share, whether it is about their children or not. I have a couple different thoughts about this. For one, I think that people are less inhibited by the face to face social barriers that stop us from saying too much in person. You can't see anyone's reaction, so there is less embarrassment if the reaction is negative. But mostly, I think people are craving reassurance, connection, and validation from each other.

However, I do not think that sharing pictures of your children on a daily basis, or letting me know how you feel about the football game you are watching is too much information. There is a limit, of course- I'm not interested in seeing graphic pictures of what your son ate after it came out the other end, nor do I want an every-20-second play by play of the game I have no interest in. Am I going to "un-friend" you because of it? No, but I'll probably hide that particular post. Honestly, the only thing that really gets to me on Facebook is negativity. Too many "The World Hates Me" posts will probably get you axed from my newsfeed.

I have three major reasons why I share regular updates about my children on Facebook. My number one reason is that I am proud of my children! I love them, and I want to share their accomplishments with my friends. Also important to me is the fact that I have many friends and family members who live far away and are not able to see us as much as they want to. These people enjoy my updates and it is a great way to share despite the distance. My third reason is simply the fact that I am home with my children all day, and if I didn't talk about them, I'd have nothing to talk about!

I'm not going to apologize for my updates and pictures of my children, nor will I discontinue posting them if someone decides to get their panties in a wad over it. I genuinely like seeing what my friends are up to via Facebook, and I assume they enjoy seeing what we're doing. If that's not the case, then I imagine it's a lot easier to click the "Hide Updates" button than it is to complain about it.

My Housekeeping Schedule

In hopes that I will pull myself out of the rut I've fallen into this past week, and continue with my upkeep on the house, I've decided to jot down my notes on cleaning here.

This is the schedule I've been following (okay, trying to follow) since we moved into our current apartment. It's a 2 bedroom, 1 bath-which is very manageable compared to our 3 bed 3 bath townhouse that I couldn't ever come close to keeping clean. Don't bother asking why we needed three bathrooms. I don't know know what made me do it, and I'll tell you that I am so much happier with only one toilet to clean!

Okay, so here it is:

Daily Items:
1-2 loads of laundry, washed and put away

Tidy up- this means toys, games, books, and pretty much anything else that gets used throughout the day. I'm doing my best to put everything away as soon as it is no longer needed, with the exception of toys. I'll leave them out a bit because I don't want the kids to feel like they aren't allowed to play. Playing is messy, that's all there is to it, so I clean up toys after lunch and right before bed.

Dishes- Unload the dishwasher first thing in the morning, load throughout the day and run at night (provided it is full enough to run)

Clean up after meals-wiping counters, rinsing dishes, etc.

Monday:
Kitchen- This is the day I mop, clean the fridge, microwave, and toaster oven. In short, I get all the pieces that get missed during the quick clean up throughout the week.

Tuesday:
Bathroom- I wipe the surfaces with sanitation wipes daily, but this is the day I clean the inside of the toilet bowl, scrub the bath and shower, and sweep/mop the floor. I also check for any supplies we are running low on and add them to the shopping list.

Wednesday:
Master Bedroom- The first thing I do here is de-clutter (by that I mean I remove all the toys and nonsense that shouldn't be in there at all). I vacuum, dust, and wash the bedding.

Thursday:
Kids' Room: Same deal as my bedroom, except it involves more toy maintenance and restocking of diapers/wipes, etc.

Friday:
Living Room: Vacuum, dust, reorganize bookshelf, wipe Arcadia doors, de-clutter paper and unneeded junk. This takes the least amount of time compared with the other rooms, so I take this day to finish any lingering laundry.

So there it is! Hopefully this helps me reorganize my thoughts, and I can get on with keeping my family organized.

Taking a Toddler and a Baby to Disneyland

I am very excited to say that I will be taking my children on their first trip to Disneyland this year. Austin and I had originally planned to take Jacob when he turned three, before we even imagined Madison might be a part of our life by then. Our plan had been to go at the end of this year, but our extended family planned a trip together this June, so we've been put in fast forward mode for planning.

As an avid organizer and planner, this has put me in a bit of a panic. How to do all the basic planning and preparing, while also finding ways to prepare Jacob, who has no concept of what Disneyland even is? I'm faced with introducing the park to him, and trying to get him to understand what it will be like, despite the communication barrier. I also need to figure out how to take an infant to Disneyland and still have a good time.

For the past week or so, I've been doing some research to help with the planning and my sister, who is also taking her two year old on the same trip, has been doing the same. We have been to the theme park countless times, but never with small children. That prospect is both exciting and frightening at the same time. My last trip was in 09, when Austin and I went together for my birthday, leaving baby Jacob with my parents for the weekend. I had a blast, and the whole time I could not stop talking about how much fun it was going to be when we were able to take him. There are so many sites and wonders I didn't even know were there, seeing as how most of my Disneyland experiences were during my teenage years, and the "baby" stuff was largely ignored.

Regardless of my excitement, I know this trip is not going to be easy, and I have put a lot of thought into how I can make it easiest on myself and ensure we all have a good time. Here's my list of self-reminders:

• Get rid of any preexisting expectations of what the kids will or will not enjoy.

I have learned from past experiences that Jacob never reacts the way I want or expect him to. Many holidays and birthdays and other events have left me feeling disappointed because I am so worried that he is not behaving like the "normal" children. I know now that I can't do this to myself. It's stress for no good reason. Jacob finds enjoyment in his own way. I am excited to take him to Disneyland because he loves dancing, singing, and all that, and most of all because Mickey Mouse is his favorite! However, I am being real with myself. I know he also can get overwhelmed in crowds, and may not like the rides. He will get tired and cranky. He may not have any interest in meeting Mickey Mouse. (Quite frankly, that's okay with me because the costumed characters kind of freak me out). As far as Madi, I don't expect anything from her. I only hope that she will be happy and content to ride in the stroller and that I will find good places to stop and feed her. 

• I'm not going to be able to do everything. 

Let's face it. In two days with two kids and a large group, there's no way I'm going to be able to do and see everything I want to. To better prepare for that, I picked the top three things I really want to do most. While I'm hoping to work those into the trip, I have leveled myself with the idea that it might not happen. 

• Leaving the park for nap time will probably be necessary

We planned for this little tidbit by choosing a hotel that is a part of the park. It's a little more pricey, but I'm almost positive it is going to be worth it to have quick and easy access to our hotel room throughout the day. 

• Toddlers do not like to wait in lines.

Hopefully we can tackle this obstacle by utilizing fastpasses efficiently for the rides with longer lines, and avoiding the longest waiting times. I will also be bringing a fully charged itouch with games and apps for the kiddos for distraction while in line. We'll see how that goes!

• Toddlers wait until the last second to let you know they need to go to the bathroom. Babies are famous for messing their pants at the most inopportune times.            

I actually found this site called The Happiest Potties on Earth that gives locations and details of all the restrooms in the park, complete with ratings. I'm positive this information is going to be useful. 

Preparing Jacob:

I'm doing my best to prepare Jacob the best I can. I have been showing him videos on Youtube of the park, parades, and characters. We also made a height chart to see what rides he could go on, and I hyped that up a bit-

I'm not sure why I can't flip this picture the right way, sorry about that!

I also had Jacob help make a paper chain countdown for us, and we mailed one to his cousin as well. We pull the ring off each night as part of our bedtime routine, and take that time to talk about Disneyland-

We used construction paper, glue stick, and some Mickey Mouse stickers. The stickers were the most fun for Jacob

And of course, we have been watching all of our Disney movies, and talking about the characters. It's a great time to tell him who he will get to see when we go. Jacob's cousin, who is a bit younger knows that she is going to go on a really big walk in the stroller where she will get to hug Tigger.

Wish us luck, patience, and lots of fun memories!

Same Sex Marriage- Effect on Child Development

I am 100% for equal rights, and one day hope that everyone in this country will have the right to marry whomever he or she wishes to. I regard marriage as a very serious commitment and I believe that it should not be taken lightly. I also believe it is absolutely ludicrous that some people believe that same-sex couples should not have that right, for various reasons. This has been a hot topic in the social media world for some time now as different events in politics fuel reactions from both sides, and I could go on for days about my feelings on the subject.

One of the arguments I see and hear often is the believe that same-sex couples are depriving children of a "normal" family life, which could potentially have a negative effect on the child's development. I can see how this is a natural point of curiosity, as our society is used to a different family model. A "normal" family in America, that is to say one that is socially acceptable, consists of a father, mother, and their biological children. However, I must say that I find it rather close minded to assume that children cannot thrive in any other model. Anyone who has done any basic studies in different cultures throughout the world and throughout different time periods will know that this is not the only family model that works. 

Statistics from a multitude of sources claim that children from same-sex couples, whether brought in from a previous marriage, adopted, or conceived otherwise, thrive just as well as other children. Considering this information takes us back to the big picture. Statistics or no, we must remember that people are not only defined by their ability to bear children or their sexual orientation, just as they are not defined by the color of socks they choose to wear. There are many different factors environmentally, biologically, and personality-wise that contribute to what type of parent any given person will be. 

Very few people in this world will claim that all single mothers are worthless and should not have their children, and many would agree that this is a very discriminatory and stereotypical statement. Furthermore, families that stem from divorce and remarriage often end up with three or more parent figures and often do just fine. Why is this any different for same-sex couples? If children can thrive without a father or mother in other family models, why can't that be true for children who have two mothers or two fathers? 

It is my opinion that this isn't a true issue at all, but rather another outlet that close-minded interest groups use to raise their argument for oppressing the rights of people in same-sex relationships. Children are raised in many, many different family models in this country, and that certainly does have an impact on them, but that does not mean that two men or two women cannot do a fabulous job of raising an upstanding, contributing member in society. There are many variables that can contribute to the type or parent someone will or will not be, but that is present even in traditional marriages.Sexual orientation is an irrelevant factor in determining whether a person is or is not a fit parent.

This video of Zack Wahls protesting such oppression in Iowa state is an excellent example, and I find this young man to be an inspiration. I hope that more people will stand up and share their story the way he so courageously did. I know from experience that speaking to legislators can be a daunting task, but he did it so well, and I hope he and others will continue to do so. 

Happy Mother's Day!

Today has been a great day for me already! Madison gave me the best gift she possibly could-- She slept an hour longer than usual. Jacob gave me a card, and Austin is currently making me banana chocolate chip pancakes. Woo!

I have plans later to make a nice lunch for my mom and grandma, and we are going to have a nice day in the pool together. I can't wait!


When I logged in to the internet today, I found that Google's home page was absolutely adorable today.

I'm not sure if I'm just overly sappy and emotional, or if I'm just extra touched by these things on Mother's Day, but I just love this video as well-

Happy Mother's Day!

It's Not One-Size-Fits-All

This recent TIME Magazine cover has caused quite a controversy in the parenting world. In my opinion, that is exactly what it was intended for, and that irritates me to no end.

Now, I am not overly familiar with the work and/or teachings of Dr. Sears, but from what I understand about attachment parenting, I would most likely consider myself this type of parent, although perhaps not as vehemently as some others. I breastfeed, co-sleep, and occasionally wear my baby. I love being close to her. Does that mean that any mother who does not do these things is any less of a mother? Absolutely not. However, that is heavily implied by this "Are You Mom Enough" cover. Additionally, it effectively insults AP parents as well for calling them "extremists" and referring to Dr. Sears as their "guru."

It is obvious to me that the article was intended to spur arguments between people with different parenting styles. I cannot express how sad that makes me, especially so close to Mother's Day. I have read many responses to this cover, both for and against AP parenting, and quite frankly, I am appalled and disheartened by how defensive and ignorant people can be on both sides. 

What people fail to realize is that parenting does not have a one-size-fits-all answer. Children are inherently different, and they respond differently to the same techniques. I have learned this first hand with my own two children. Some choices I made with Jacob worked wonderfully for him, and yet fail miserably with Madison. Yes, development  is fostered by environment, but that is not to say that babies are not already their own person when they are born. 

Furthermore, there are so many contributing and ruling factors parents use when determining what they will and will not do with their own children. Society, religion, and personal experience all play a heavy role. The bottom line is, what works for one family does not always work for every family.

When I first saw this cover, my initial reaction was "Good for Her!" I am proud of this woman for standing up for what she believes in. I am not offended in the slightest by watching her breastfeed her son. I'm not sure that I would choose to breastfeed that long, but I don't know. My goal is a year with Madison, but if she is not ready to stop by then, I am not going to make her. 

I'm shocked at some responses I saw to the article, which were both supporting and attacking this woman. Some of those were along these lines:

"That is disgusting, that child is going to be so screwed up"

"Children should stop breastfeeding once they have teeth"

"That is sexual abuse and child molestation"

"He should be getting cows milk"

and on the other side:

"If you don't AP, you are a terrible person"

"AP parents love their kids more"

"You are killing your child by giving him formula"

Okay. Back it up, people! First off, how is feeding your child going to "screw them up" or by any definition of the word, molestation?! I'd like to take time to remind everyone that this is 100% natural, and that is what boobs are for. They are not meant to be a sexual organ. Secondly, while we know that giving cow's milk at this child's age is not harmful and in fact beneficial, that certainly does not mean that the child should get it over breastmilk. Think about it, that is like saying a baby deer should be nursing from a horse, not a doe. 

Additionally, mothers who choose not to breastfeed, or don't practice any form of attachment parenting are not terrible people. They simply need to do what works from them, and like I said before there are so many factors involved in that decision. 

This should not be an argument. Unless someone is putting their child in harm's way, we should be supportive of others' choices, and we should use opportunities like this to learn from each other and open our minds a little bit more. Especially so close to Mother's Day! 

Live, learn, and let live!