Why Can't I Be a Super Hero?

I am having one of "those" days. The type where I constantly worry about my children and find 12390948320.8 ways to blame myself for everything that has already or might possibly go wrong. I spent a good portion of today making myself feel inadequate as a parent.

Most of these feelings, as usual, have stemmed from something concerning Jacob's developmental delays. Sure, I put on a good face and talk the talk with all his doctors, therapist, and anyone else who might ask- but the truth is I am not okay. I tear myself to pieces on a daily basis pouring over what I might have done wrong and obsess over what I might be doing wrong in this very moment.

Looking at it objectively, I know that Jacob has come a very long way and has made some huge progress. I am more proud of him than words can say. He is my little boy and I love him with all of my heart and more. I am doing every thing I can think of to help him catch up. Unfortunately, that doesn't stop the feeling that I should be doing more. That doesn't stop the guilt I feel daily. I have had many people tell me that these things just happen and I didn't do anything wrong, but on days like this it is hard for me to believe them. Did I eat or drink something I shouldn't have while pregnant? Did I talk to him enough as a baby? Why didn't I notice anything sooner? I try so hard to be the best mommy in the world, but I feel like I am coming up short.

My heart hurts when someone points out how far behind he is. My heart hurts when I see kids much younger than him doing and saying way more than he has. My heart hurts because I don't know why he has to have a more difficult time. My heart hurts because I can't fix it for him.

I know that there are other parents out there that feel this way too. In fact, I'm sure that every parent has had  similar thoughts at one time or another. I also know that many children have it far worse than Jacob, and I do count my blessings for that. Normally, I can battle these feelings and work on being more optimistic. I strive to be a positive person every day, but I can't deny that these thoughts occur in my head. I know that I have to be the one to change these thoughts. No one else can do it for me. I'm still working on that. Hopefully one day I will have the answer for myself, but that day is not today.

My heart goes out to parents everywhere that are doing the best they can. I hope you know you are doing an awesome job. If you aren't so sure, please take the time to remind yourself that it is true. As much as we want to be super heroes for our children, we can only be what we are. Lucky for us, what we are is an amazing gift and we have a lot of power to make a better world for our children. Now I just need to remember to tell myself that once in a while.